venting...

Oh. my. word. I used to be such a good blogger. I want to be better but...

Life right now is SO difficult. Probably the hardest it's been for me when it comes to no sleep, feeling at a loss on how to handle twins + a toddler, and just giving up all free time to other things. I DO feel blessed to have my 3 children, but twins are certainly not a cup of tea. It probably drives me more nuts than some mothers, but getting these kids on a schedule has been a challenge! I give up many days after running in to put the pacifier back in a baby's mouth for the 10th time during a nap so they don't scream and wake up the other baby I just put back to sleep lie 5 minutes ago. We have tried it all- cry it out, rock, swing, bouncy seat...and everything works at different times and everything doesn't work at different times. I have to stop comparing how things were with Graham bc I've realized one thing; Being a parent to ONE child was a PIECE OF CAKE. My life was centered on that little being and Graham had every need met exactly when he wanted it. That's probably why he seemed like the dream baby. He was an amazing sleeper and eater. Nursing twins is tricky logistically and on the timing.
When I step back and think about my life, I do feel blessed and I love, love, love my kids. But when I have a toddler screaming, "Hold You" and two hungry, crying babies I sometimes think that spring will never come- that the babies will never sleep through the night-that I've got to shower or the neighbors might smell me. I've been called "super mom" for being seen out at the mall with all three kids, but they don't know that it's purely for my sanity; that if I stayed in my house for another hour that I might not make it.

Seriously.

The twins are 9 weeks old, Graham is 26 months old. I'm a mom and it's HARD folks. I'm jealous of Adam on Monday's when he gets to go to work sometimes and talk to adults and have a lunch hour. Moms out there...wouldn't you love a lunch hour? THEN I remember that my dream was to be a stay at home mom and I would not give it up. Do I want my teaching job back? Seriously? Heck no! Would I bawl my eyes out if I had to leave my kids? Oh man...it'd be bad. I really wouldn't want to have lunch with any other people than my kids. So, after all that venting, I'm back to being grateful for my little family of five, my REALLY, REALLY great husband, and the blessed life of being a stay at home mom. I'm living my dream (even if my dream did have a showered, make-up me in it).

Phew.

On a funnier note, I need to document some of the funny stories Graham has said lately...

While at CVS, Graham saw some canes and yelled out, "Pogo Sticks"! He definitely got a few chuckles...

I DVR shows for Graham to watch, so he really has no concept of "waiting" to watch a show. He asked to watch Curious George but we didn't have any recorded. I was trying to explain it to him that I needed to tape it first and then we could watch it later. He was getting frustrated and then smiled and ran off into the kitchen. I had no idea what he was doing until he came running back with the tape! =) "Tape it Mommy", he said.

We have a lady named Julie that comes to clean for us 2x a month right now (AWESOME christmas gift!) and she was cleaning the kitchen while I was getting ready in the bathroom. I had just showered and was getting dressed. Graham has become very aware of my boobs lately since they are out daily feeding his siblings. We've talked about how just girls need bras (since he was tryinig to put one on the other day). He was playing with a box of nursing pads and I asked him to give me 2 and put them away. He then said, "For Mommy's Boobs. She a girl. Julie a girl. I give her some." My son was about to go take nursing pads to the cleaning lady!!! hahahahaha She's a girl too, so of COURSE she needs some. I like his heart. =)

Sorry no pics...hoping to download some SOON! Smiling twins melt my heart...